Money Smarts Blog
Removing the taboo: How and when to talk about money
May 26, 2022 || Hilarie Abell, Branch Manager
Money. It’s a topic we tend to avoid, even with those closest to us. And if we’re not avoiding it entirely, we’re pretending we have more than we really do.
According to a 2019 Credit Karma survey, 48% of millennials went into debt trying to keep up with their friends.
Mind. Blown.
Am I guilty of overspending every now and then when I’m out with my friends? Sure. But I know my limits — and my friends and family know them too. It’s because we’re comfortable talking about our issues, concerns and goals with each other. And based on the results of our recent LinkedIn survey, some of you are too.
WHO are you comfortable sharing things like your income or credit score with?
Nearly half of you are comfortable opening up about finances with your partner/spouse. It makes a lot of sense, because I’m guessing you probably live under the same roof and share bank accounts and expenses like bills, groceries and pets. It’s certainly a good start, but there’s so much more we can (and should) be doing to help normalize money talk in our daily lives.
WHEN to talk about money
If you have a question or an issue (i.e. not being able to afford a fancy dinner out), the sooner you get it out in the open, the better.
If a friend or family member asks you to talk about it or complains about a certain topic endlessly.
HOW to talk about money
Ask them a question first that’ll help gauge if they’re open to talking about it. It could be as easy as “Who taught you about money,” or more in-depth like, “How did you grow up relating to money and does it play a role in your relationship with money now?” Get a dialogue going.
Look for cues. You don’t have to dive in with “What’s your debt situation?” Spark conversation by making the topic personal to you. For example, you could say something like, “I really want to try this new restaurant, but I can’t afford it right now.”
DOS and DON’TS when talking about money
It starts with a little education. As a branch manager, I want my members to be confident about their finances when they’ve reached a goal. I also want them to know they have someone to talk to whether they need a little extra push or want to celebrate a milestone. Here are a few of my favorite “dos” and “don’ts” to help take the taboo out of talking about money.
DON’T: Compare your situation to someone else’s
There’s no shame in having more or less money than someone else. Everyone is on a different journey, and no two budgets are the same. Plus, the number on your paycheck or how much you have stashed in savings isn’t a reflection of your character or how good a friend you are.
DON’T: Give up on your goals
Overspend one month? We’ve all done it. Just because you got temporarily derailed doesn’t mean quitting is your only option. Reassess and tweak as necessary, but keep on truckin’! This is easier if you recruit a family member or friend to hold you accountable and offer support.
DON’T: Tell others their financial decisions are wrong
Giving your friends financial advice when they ask for it is fine, but if you see a glaring financial misstep, sometimes it’s better to let exhttps://www.ihmvcu.org/docs/default-source/contest-promotion-rules/ihmvcu-dsm-building-show-giveaway-rules.pdfperience be the best teacher (unless you notice they’re falling victim to a clever scam — then absolutely speak up). Just be there to lend support when they ask for it … or better yet, guide them to a professional advisor.
DO: Open lines of communication
Personally, I feel it’s so important for people to discuss money with those in their circle. These are the people you lean on in good times and bad. Why shouldn’t they want to help you plan how to reach your next goal of buying a house, purchasing a car or going back to school?
DO: Suggest alternative activities
If your friends invite you out for a fancy dinner and you can’t afford it this month, there’s no shame in suggesting a slightly less fancy restaurant, or even a quick, “Hey, I’d love to hang out but I’m watching my spending. Let’s meet up for a drink before or after.”
DO: Set budgets and personal financial goals
Money plays an important role throughout all stages of life, and our budgets and goals will change. Do you have a personal goal to save up for your first family vacation to Disney World? Tell your friend — I guarantee she’ll be your biggest hype-person and help you find ways to get there.
DO: Talk to your kids about money
Start young so your littles grow up with a healthy relationship toward the green stuff (no, I’m not talking veggies, but that’s a good idea to start young too!).
A small allowance for academic achievements or chores is a great way to introduce basic saving and spending habits.
